


Let This Light Be My Tomorrow

by LusciaKoushiro



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 17:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20213647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LusciaKoushiro/pseuds/LusciaKoushiro
Summary: CrashBangShatterScreamThese were the sounds that brought light to his door.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Shiro struggles with the actions of the clone as well as his own and others after he awoke from the Black Lion.





	Let This Light Be My Tomorrow

Keeping a good routine was a way fine way to keep your mind sharp, but it was also good for keeping the darkness at bay; the thoughts that lingered that could drive you to the brink of madness or despair. Even now within the waking world again, no longer within the infinite void, Shiro felt those walls closing in. At first he was graced by the sun and felt the warmth of his friend's loving embrace, only to find the shadows coming to claim him in an attempt to snatch away his newly found breath. Whatever was trying to wash him of this reality within his internal struggle, a voice was calling him; a voice he will never forget as it was the one who had saved him. He was embraced by the very same love with the proclamation of “We saved each other”. But then their journey home began.

He knew it was never going to be easy, but what he didn't expect was the sinking feeling of loss to creep its way to his mind. He was alive and breathing, he was with his friends; his family, only to feel like he wasn't there at all. Keith was Black Paladin now and he couldn't have been more proud. Keith deserved the world; the universe, he thought, and this was his place now as the leader and head of Voltron. Only, where did that leave him? He wanted to be grateful for Krolia's protection of him and he more or less was, thinking it was nice to have a mother acknowledge her worry over him again, but that feeling soon faded as it seemed no one needed him. He had been injured, but he was still capable, wasn't he? Bob didn't think so it seemed...

Bob, the being known to have judged the greatest of heroes, only he chose to judge the five current Paladins that day and no one else. Hearing his friends through the comms, pride once again filled his chest, but again soon faded. This being didn't seem to give him a second thought. Shiro the Hero, he had heard, in a memory; yet seemed like some far off thought maybe even from a dream. Once he held the title of Champion; fighting for entertainment of the Galra, but in truth it was just means to survive. And survive he did; he escaped back to Earth, to warn them of the enemy; but those words had fallen on deaf ears. He became the Black Paladin, faced the emperor himself head on with his team, giving everything he had to save the universe; but even that act went unnoticed by the great entity. Maybe he was being judged and the verdict had left him all alone.

Once on Earth, everyone was reunited with their families or in Hunk's case, given a report on what had happened to them and what was being done to get them back safe. But for him; no one was there to greet him with open arms, but he had a smile on his face as he introduced his found family. But the smile was fake, he knew, and was wiped away as he faced the truth; that not even a Paladin could escape the effects of war. He had been in the thick of it, but not once did he think that someone he once held close would be lost forever. No, he and Adam did not end on good terms, not even parting as friends, but part of him had dared to hope that they could talk; when the dust had settled so to speak. Now here he was, breathing again with a second chance... third chance? At life when he was meant to perish not long after his dream came true. But what of Adam's dreams? He may not have been as ambitious as his lover, but that didn't make his desires any less valid and now one man's dream has become his loathing nightmare.

The battle for Earth comes to a close, but not without scars. His family is hospitalized and all he could do was watch; watch the Lions, not Voltron, take that retched beast into orbit and one by one come crashing down to the planet. But there he was with only minor bumps and bruises. He wished Atlas to transform, to help, to be in the fray alongside his team, but were they his team? All the time he had spent bonding with them to form the Legendary Defender feels as if it never happened. Once he tried to call out to Lance in warning, but couldn't reach him and there he was watching; watching the Lions fall, watching them being recovered and rushed to the Garrison. And then it was their turn to watch him; watch him give a speech that was meant to inspire the world to stand up and defend their home; defend their universe. He was good with words he supposed, but there was only one word he felt could describe him; broken.

Months had passed and the Paladins were released, but work for him was never done. A set routine. The day before they were set to launch he had given the order; “Be with the ones you love” only he didn't follow it. As time went on he wasn't sure if love was even a concept to him any more. He worked right up to the launch, no breaks, no sleep; those things only brought pain; but he was only human, wasn't he? And the human body could only take so much.

The Atlas had touched down on a planet in need, providing much needed relief of food and repair. Night had fallen and despite the damage Zarkon's reign or the up and coming warlords have done, the area seemed peaceful, Shiro for the better part of this journey had secluded himself. At first he was present, but when questions of his self care came about he started to hide away; first in his office and now in his quarters. If he was needed on the bridge he would go, but otherwise he was held up in the darkness of his room. Like all darkness, however, it can slowly crush you if you never let some light in.

In his lapse of a healthy routine, he had passed out huddled in the corner of his bedroom; his Altean hand gripping tightly onto his flesh arm. It hurt, but the pain wasn't enough to escape what felt like crawling under his skin. His skin? Was it his? No, no this wasn't him? Was it? Tears streamed down his tired face; there was no rest, not for him. He choked on his screams, there was no escape. He gripped harder and pulled, hoping something upon his flesh would tear. His hand had heated up, leaving a slight burn. His screams became louder, his vision blinded; by the darkness or his anguish he wasn't sure.

_Crash_

_Bang_

_Shatter_

_Scream_

These were the sounds that brought light to his door.

“Shiro?” Keith asked, voice obviously worried as he knocked on the door. The Red Paladin had tried to unlock the door himself, forgoing the politeness of knocking, but Atlas wasn't granting him access or what was worse; Shiro wasn't.

_Slam_

Keith's knock became more insistent; “Shiro! Shiro, open the door!”

The door did indeed open, much to Keith's surprise and the image that blurred its way from his vision shook him to his very core. Shiro shoved his way passed him quickly, but the motion was barely a nudge, the glimpse he managed of the once bright and silver orbs were now clouded and stained red with tiredness. The older man's stature was far from the military man he was in the public eye; he was hunched over as he stumbled through the halls of the Atlas. “Shiro, wait!” Keith called, realizing his voice failed to reach him, he turned to face the room. Slowly he reached for the light and once the room was illuminated he could see the physical interpretation of someone being trapped like a caged animal. And maybe he was....

Keith turned his head to see his fellow Paladins, save for Lance, running toward him.

“Keith, is everything alright?” Allura asked, catching her breath a little as she and the others stopped.

He shook his head.

“Whoa...” Hunk gasped as he looked into the room.

Pidge slipped by them to step inside, her eyes wide with fear; “Shiro?” She called out weakly.

Pieces of furniture were everywhere, broken in half or shattered into hundreds of pieces. The sofa in the sitting area was on its back with its fabric torn, the coffee table sticking out of the flat television screen with its glass gathered underneath.

“He's not there...” Keith tells them with sorrow in his voice.

“What happened?” Hunk asked, his own voice barely above a whisper at the sight.

“I don't know, but I'm going to find out.” Keith was more than determined as he stepped away from his teammates, not even bothering to properly get dressed or throw on his boots as he headed down the hall and out of the Atlas.

He tried to pick up speed, wanting to find Shiro fast as possible, but if there was one thing his friend taught him, it was that “Patience yields focus”. He paused in his steps to take a breath; it was bad enough that they were on a foreign planet, but there was a tremendous amount of guilt weighing in his chest. He had watched Shiro pull away; ever since they were captured by Zethird and Ezor, opting to ride in Green. Then back on Earth there really was no time with the invasion happening, but he never showed up in the hospital after the fall. “Busy” is what Krolia had told him and honestly he could believe it, but it didn't make it sting any less not to see him.

His last day on Earth he had hoped that they could share one more sunset together, but like every day in those passing months he was alone. Was it something he did? He had often wondered that, but found no easy way to voice it to anyone. Even when he tried, “busy” was always the answer given, but he knew there was something unspoken going on and night after night he could hear the screams and the sobs, but did nothing about them. It pained him to hear it, but tonight was different, like something was let loose; a secret that lied deep coming to the surface. It was like he was seventeen all over again.

He took another long, steadying breath as he set his violet gaze to the sky; it was clear and the stars above shone so brightly that it reminded him of his days at the Garrison when Shiro would sneak him out to the roof to stargaze or even after his friend had left for Kerberos, how he would watch the stars from the window of his dorm, wishing for his safe return. His gaze shifted to the hills not far from the Atlas, he knew exactly where he needed to be.

Keith made long strides, climbing the hill and sure enough there was Shiro curled in on himself, sobs echoing through the night air. “Shiro...”

He curled in tighter.

Keith took a few more steps forward, but stopped abruptly as the moon's light highlighted some of the damage; his bare feet bloodied from the cuts that he presumed were from the broken glass that had been seen littered about his quarters; “Shiro...” he tried again, his voice cracking; “What happened?”

“You shouldn't be here...” Came the whispered replied.

No, that sounded wrong.

“I shouldn't be here...” he corrected.

“What?” his eyes blew wide.

“...”

Keith swallowed, gathering all the courage he could muster to take the last couple steps needed to be right beside Shiro. He knelt down, placing a hand on his shoulder only to have the white haired man jerk his prosthetic out at the touch. Keith grunted at the contact it made with his chest and in turn Shiro had gasped at the sound, realizing what he had done.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry...” he blurted out, scrambling out of Keith's reach.

“It's okay. Shiro, it's okay.” he tried to be gentle, like coaxing out a frightened kitten. He reached his hand out again only to watch his best friend shrink away from it and avoid eye contact; “Shiro, look at me.”

He made no move to do so, instead he moved away even more, teetering on the edge of the hill. “Go back to the Atlas...” he whispered, his voice rough from crying.

“I'm not leaving without you.” He watched as Shiro gripped his flesh arm tightly.

“Just go, Keith! Please...”

“Shiro, stop! You're hurting yourself!” he reached out again and this time his attempt to comfort sent the other man tumbling down the other side of the hill; “Shiro!” He was quick to follow.

They both landed with a grunt and a thud. Keith shook off the shock from the impact and set his sights again on Shiro, who was lying on his side, unwilling to move.

“Shiro, I tell me what's wrong.” He got to his feet, slowly making his approach; “You can tell me anything, you always could...”

There was a pause, but just as he got close enough he heard;

“You don't need me anymore...”

“What are you talking about? Of course we need you.”

“No... you haven't for a long time...”

“That's not true... Shiro, you're the Captain of the Atlas-” he cut himself off at the sound of a 'tch'.

Shiro then shift his position, sitting up enough to open the power source compartment of his prosthetic; “Right, the thing ANYONE could do with this.” he yanked the crystal out, grunting in pain at first, but then threw it in Keith's general direction; “There, now I'm as broken as I was before.” he said darkly as his arm fell to the ground.

“Broken?” He knelt down to retrieve the crystal; “Shiro, no one thinks you're broken.”

“How can you say that?!” finally he looked up, his bloodshot eyes meeting Keith's for the first time in a long time; “I fought tooth and nail to get back to everyone to warn them and no one listened to me; thinking I was crazy! I had to KILL innocent people and I can't even remember their faces! My scars at least reminded me of them-” he sat up straight, pounding his chest with his left hand; “But these aren't mine!”

“Shiro...-”

“No! No, you don't get it! How many of these did she make of me, that I can just be easily replaced?!” he dropped his gaze, his voice coming down a tad; “You saw them Keith.... In those tubes... It was me from back then... There were no scars... no white hair...” his eyes shot back up, tears stinging in the back; “How many did she torture before she was satisfied?! How long did it take to carve each scar where it needed to be to cover her tracks?!”

Keith scooted closer so he was kneeling in front of him; “Do... do you remember any of that?” he asked carefully.

Shiro shut his eyes tight, shaking his head. “How many more have to suffer because of me...?”

“Shiro, no one is-”

“Don't!” he snapped his eyes open to meet Keith's gaze once more; “Don't try to tell me no one is hurting because of me. That's a lie and you know it! I hurt Adam by leaving and now he's gone without even realizing his own dream of having a peaceful life with a family. It was simple and I couldn't give it to him because I was selfish! I was supposed to be gone... I had a timer, they didn't! Why do I get another chance and they don't?!”

Keith was stunned into silence, but he couldn't hide the grimace at Shiro's question. So this was his fault....

“Shiro, I-”

“And to make matters worse I hurt the Paladins... I tried to kill them... kill you... How can you say I never hurt anyone when proof is right one your face?!” his voice was beginning to crack, the tears making their decent. “I wanted to help, but all I did was watch, all I could do was watch as you fell... I'm not a Paladin anymore... I'm just a face of false hope spouting hallowed words I don't even believe, so what good am I?”

Keith swallowed; “I didn't know you were feeling like this... But let me be the first to tell you; you are not broken, you never have been. The Garrison not listening to you wasn't your fault and honestly that bit them in the ass. And I don't know what has made you think that you aren't a Paladin anymore, but trust me; you are.”

Shiro shook his head; “Bob didn't seem to deem me worthy, so why should anyone else?” he mumbled.

“Bob was an asshole. Shiro, of everyone here, YOU are the one who fits the role of Paladin, you always have. You always lent the helping hand when you could and honestly knowing what we are getting into, I know how hard it is to be inspiring and wanting to believe it, but those words do help.”

“Anyone can give speeches, Keith... Allura did it all the time. There's no reason she couldn't take my place at the helm of the Atlas and the voice of the coalition.”

Keith looked to the crystal in his hand; the crystal that once rested in the Princess' circlet. “That may be, but” he closed his fingers around the crystal, then reached out toward the motionless prosthetic; “I think she entrusted this part to you purposely. She wasn't a Paladin when we first met her, but she was no less a part of the team. And now with Atlas it's like she passed that torch to you. You may not like giving speeches, neither did she; but you do inspire. You inspired me after all.”

Another shake of his head; “After what I've done, I don't deserve to be here....”

“Yes, you do. Shiro, no one deserves to be here more than you; no one should ever be told they are going to die.” Keith stated, trying to keep his voice calm; “It wasn't your fault that Zarkon or whoever, made you fight other innocent prisoners and Adam...” he had to pause, taking a much needed deep breath; “Look, I know you loved him and he was a decent guy... mostly. But you and him breaking up had nothing to do with his passing. You never would have been happy if you stayed, so that dream of a peaceful life and family wouldn't have come true then either. It would have come down to a break up regardless or wearing a fake smile forever.”

He adverted his gaze; “I still hurt you...” it was so soft that Keith almost missed it.

“No...” he placed the crystal back into the arm. It let out a low hum as it powered back on then he took the hand into his own; “I'm the one who hurt you...”

“Keith, you could never-”

“But I did!” it was his turn to interrupt; “Shiro, it was my idea to use the clone body. I told Allura where you were.” He shut his eyes tightly, willing his tears not to shed, but his voice was betraying him. He brought the prosthetic hand to his chest, placing it over his rapidly beating heart; “Don't ever say no one needs you, because I do...”

“You really don't, Keith...”

Keith's eyes shot open at the words and at the feeling of Shiro moving his hand out of his hold.

“You don't need someone who keeps hurting you...”

“Shiro, you didn't do this!” he pointed to his cheek.

Shiro shook his head again, it was hard for him to convey into words; “I may not have, but he” he gestured to his body; “did. I look in the mirror and I don't even know what's looking back at me...” his teeth clenched, “I'm me and I'm not, I'm him and I'm not.” his breaths started to quicken, “He lived and breathed and I killed him!”

“No. No, don't think that.”

“He could have lived and been happy with you...”

Keith's eyes blew wide; “What?!” that was the last thing he expected him to say.

He dug the heel of his left palm to his eye, trying to stop the flow of tears; “You promised to save him 'as many times as it takes'... and I made you break that promise. I know you loved him...”

“Shiro, that's not what you think-”

“You deserve the universe, Keith. And I took it away...”

Keith carefully moved forward, getting into Shiro's space. Gently, he cupped the other man's face in his hands, turning his head so they now looked each other in the eye; “YOU are my universe.”

“Keith?”

“I thought he was YOU. I spent months searching for YOU and when I found him I was happy because I thought I got YOU back. I made that promise to YOU; I would save YOU as many times as it takes, because I need YOU in my life because without YOU it feels like my life loses all meaning. Fighting him, thinking it was YOU was the hardest thing I ever had to do... And when I thought he was going to kill me, I had to let YOU know that I love YOU. And only YOU would be able to figure out what I meant when I said brother.” He choked back a sob; “YOU, are my everything, Takashi...”

“Keith...”

“It's okay if you don't feel the same way, but I will always need you in my life. I'm just sorry it took me so long to come to you when you really needed someone.” he let his hands drop and sat back onto his knees to give his friend some space.

Shiro then reached out with his human hand, for the first time seeking some kind of contact, to which Keith obliged in taking his hand in his; “You have nothing to be sorry for, I should have come to you. Like you said; I could always talk to you.”

Keith adjusted his position, intertwining their fingers and sitting right beside him; “I'm here now.”

“You are and you really have always been there for me. I just...” He inhaled deeply, his eyes looking up to the stars; “I just don't think I deserve it... Deserve you...”

“No one deserves me more than you do. I stole your car and you didn't even bat an eyelash to help me out. You never gave up on me when everyone else was ready to. You cared about me when no one else did. Face it; you're stuck with me.” he smirked.

That got Shiro to laugh; a genuine, from the belly laugh. When was the last time he did that? “I'm glad.” Turning his gaze back to the man beside him, a smile now one his face; one that was honest and unforced; “Thank you, Keith.”

“Don't thank me; talk to me.” he replied in earnest; “I know there's something else on your mind.”

“Heh.... you really can read me like a book.” he sighed, closing his eyes again, trying to gain some sense of focus; “It's hard... thinking about the clone. He was everything I am, but at the same time everything I'm not...”

Keith squeezed his hand, letting him know he was still there and listening.

“It was like he had no filter and somehow I envy that; to say what's on my mind or how I feel...” he squeezed back. “But on the other hand he didn't have my memories really, or at least maybe not before Voltron. He had made his own memories with everyone and bonded with them... It feels like I robbed everyone of a friend because they got closer to him than they did me... So when I look at myself- this body, it feels wrong.” he opened his eyes, glancing up at the stars above once more; “I have all of his memories; from him being in the Voltron show to him playing that Monsters and Mana game with everyone.” He chuckled, thinking of that time; “Did you know his character died twice? First time I'll agree with him that it shouldn't have counted; the mice we were not apart of the game, but the second I have no idea why it happened; he didn't even get a saving throw against the sword.”

“Saving throw?” a black eyebrow quirked at the term.

“Oh.. yeah, you were with the Blades then...” he looked over at Keith; “It's how you avoid traps and things...” he paused, trying not to sigh for what might be the billionth time that night; “But that's the kind of thing that has me confused or angry; I have the memory like it was my own, but it's not. It's not apart of my story so to speak.”

Keith couldn't argue with that, after seeing Shiro within the Astral Plane and knowing he had been there since their fight with Zarkon. The clone's story picked up where Shiro's had technically left off in the eyes of others. “Hm..,” he hummed, seemingly in thought.

“Hm?” Shiro mimicked in question, now side-eyeing him.

“Do you remember a food fight my first year at the Garrison?”

“You mean the one where you were outside eating by yourself, but you could see everything through the window?”

“That's the one.” he smiled, looking back at Shiro; “You weren't there for that, you were out with Adam and I told you about it later while you were helping me study.”

“So...?” Shiro asked, dragging out the one word question.

“So, why not think of it like someone sharing a story with you. He was separate from you, so those memories are him telling you a story from his life.”

Shiro opened his mouth to say something, but was quick to close it again, seemingly thinking on it. His attention then shifted to their hands, his scared up arm standing out in the moonlight.

Keith followed his gaze; “These are part of that story too. They may be mapped the same, but have different narratives.”

“Like an identical twin; their lives intertwined, but they sought their own paths.” Shiro mused. There was a slight pause after that, a small smile making its way to the end of his lips; “I always wanted a brother...”

“Than that's who he is. Takashi Shirogane's twin brother, taking the role of Black Paladin in his older brother's stead to help better the universe.”

The smile was fully there now, soft and content; “I like the sound of that. I wonder what is his name would be...”

“What was the name of his Monsters and Mana character?”

“Oh no, we are not naming him Jiro.”

“Why not? I'm sure he would have liked it.”

“Because that's how it sounded, he spelled it G-Y-R-O.”

“Gyro, like the Greek food?”

A nod.

“Yeah, that probably would have gotten his ass kicked at school.” Keith said, causing Shiro to let out another heartfelt laugh. Keith could do nothing but smile at the sound; “So, what do you think he would have been named?”

“Ryou.” He said after the laughter had passed; “After our grandpa.”

“Ryou Shirogane... I like it.”

Silence fell between them then, but not an uncomfortable one. They leaned against each other, shoulder to shoulder with their hands still linked. It was nice and grounding, something they both needed.

“Are you mad?” Shiro asked; “At him?”

Keith simply shook his head; “No. Nothing was his fault either and I'm sure the others feel the same way too.”

“I hope so.”

“How are you doing? Now that you've had a chance to talk.”

“Better, actually.” He lifted their linked hands, bringing Keith's knuckles up to brush his lips against them; “Thank you, for everything you've given me.”

Shiro's eyes suddenly blew wide as Keith broke their hand holding, turning and surging forward to crash their lips together; sending them both to the dirt with the Captain landing on his back. He couldn't help but smile into the kiss; it was messy and inexperienced, but lit with fire and passion. Just like Keith himself; a light that burned so brightly that it shone through the bleak darkness.

Shiro held on tight, allowing himself to believe he deserved this; this moment, this man, this love. His world had become brighter because of this flame and that very light would be his tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by quite a few different song lyrics, but mainly my favorite Matchbox 20 song [Bent](https://www.youtube.com/watchv=2QzqFImaLFw&list=PLFMLMv7Rv82kyFTwLC1jjJ811X_9EMoJ4&index=2&t=0s)  
And if anyone was wondering why Lance didn't show up when the rest of them did it's because of the headphones or earplugs he wears while he sleeps.
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/LusciaKoushiro) to see how fics are progressing! ^_^


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